Readers, I know you love me. And you know I love you. But, just asking for a friend, did someone tip off the trolls? It’s like they know I write this! It’s getting so persistent that I’m considering writing to Dear Prudence (now written by the hilarious Mallory Ortberg and not rape apologist Emily Yoffe):
I’m just a single white-ish female lookin’ for love on the internet! You know, like all #milennials do. However, I keep getting weird messages. Some of them are from folks who probably mean well, but others are from dudes that I would scientifically classify as “garbage humans.” What should I do?
–Desperate in Dedham
My dear lady,
It’s not just you! Women have been trying to escape weird harassing men for decades. For more information, please refer to my informational art series on The Toast, “Women Trying to Say ‘No’ Politely in Western Art History.” Then, check out “Men Starting Unnecessary Conversations in Western Art History.” You know what? Internet dating sucks. Take a hint from “Women With Snake Boyfriends in Western Art History.” I feel like the reptile thing is a good bet.
Or, you could ditch the whole heterosexuality thing and just date me, Mallory Ortberg! I’ll send you a non-creepy message on Her and we’ll commence our cross-country romance.
Anyway, here’s the best of the worst from this week:
A scrub is a guy who’s a little creepy
And definitely a little desperate
Talks like a middle school counselor
And doesn’t know consent
No, I don’t want to Bodaborg
Got any good ones to share this week? Let me know!