The following essay was read aloud at a “Grown-Up Story-Telling” event at Aeronaut Brewery in Somerville, MA on July 26, 2017.
Things are so precarious at the beginning of new relationships. Something that feels exciting can easily be deflated by a bad kiss, a Ben Carson bumper sticker, or an admission like “Yeah, I don’t know, I just don’t like many books written by women.” Any of these offenses can instantly kill the sizzle that has built up over a couple of dates. While most people end up getting dumped unwittingly, not knowing what they did that made things fizzle out, sometimes you need a grand gesture to stop a relationship in its tracks. In that case, I have a suggestion for you. Recently, my budding relationship met an untimely death due to a rather unexpected culprit: a Yelp review.